Tip-to-a-Long-Marriage
With nearly one out of two marriages ending in divorce, researchers have been concentrating on what are the “secrets” to a long-lasting marriage. Surprisingly, the results of these studies seem to debunk what psychologists and researchers had previously found. In general, there seems to be much agreement that couples that have the highest expectations for the institution of marriage itself, will end up with the best marriages. That’s because these couples not only care deeply about their marriages, but they are willing to work and fight for them, according to Dr. Bonnie Maslin, well-known psychotherapist and author of the acclaimed books “The Angry Marriage” and “Picking Your Battles.”
Professionals studying marriage today tend to focus on the communication styles of marriage partners. They often videotape thousands of couples over time, observing such reactions as positive and negative facial expressions, body language and comments. A few years ago, “The Early Show” on CBS (http://bit.ly/1qNxeT)examined traits of successful marriages that still hold true today. The research including a study by Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, who found that when a marriage is strong, there is at least a 5-to-1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. As this ratio drops, he says, the risk for divorce increases.
So what are some of the “divorce predictors”–or the types of red flags that can be found in a couple’s marriage? Some studies identify marriages according to five different communication styles, with the “pursuer Distancer” Style posing the “highest risk” for divorce. Here, one member, typically the wife, raises problems, while the partner either dismisses them or refuses to talk about them. In the middle of the spectrum–posing as a “high risk” for divorce–is the “Operatic” marriage style, characterized by cycles of tumultuous fighting and making up. Near the bottom is the “Cohesive Individual” style where couples share responsibilities, autonomy and view marriage as a refuge. These marriages are “low risk” for divorce.
Of course, researchers also considered such factors as the age when each partner married, the presence of children, and the potential of a financial or mid-life crisis. They found that nearly half of all divorces occur within the first seven years. However, in the end, professionals seemed to agree that perhaps the most important way for a couple to stay married is to maintain positive communication channels throughout their marriage.
